Obedience and Timing

Last time we "talked", I was telling you about needing to prepare and not plan. I can say that I have seen some growth in that area! The aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti has been heavily weighing on my heart and Jeff's heart and mind. We, like many of the world, have felt so helpless. I know that God's timing is perfect, yet, if I am being honest, I can say that having a desire to do His work with orphans and the hurting of this world and not seeing the opportunity or feeling the doors opening is very frustrating and discouraging. I realized that I was letting the things that prohibit me from going and doing (like finances) get the best of me, until this past week. Something broke in me and I decided to approach it with a different mind-set.

It hit me Thursday, that I KNOW we are called. I do not doubt that for one moment. So, my prayers began to change. That morning I began my day thanking God for His call on our lives and told him that we were willing to go and it was up to Him to make us able. That night, I was soaking in a bubble bath (that seems to be the one place that I get still and relax and am able to talk to Him and listen) and I prayed a prayer that I think thrust us somewhere onto the path He desires us to walk for the rest of our lives. Before I tell you what I prayed, let me lay some ground work...

I do not like being alone. Never have. In fact, I tend to avoid it at all costs. Jeff and I have talked in the past about one of us going on short-term mission trips, only to have me decide that I can't go without him and don't want him going without me. I know... selfish and yet, it was more of a scared thing. But, Thursday night was different...

Our church mentioned last week that they will be planning a mission trip to Haiti once the timing is right for groups to move in and help. I knew that we could not afford for both of us to go and had my doubts about even one of us! but, all of a sudden I found myself saying these words: "Lord, Jeff and I have such a burden for the orphans of Haiti- a country that I have not thought much about before (I am ashamed to say)- and for some reason this is different than any other burden we have carried. If you have something for us to do there, please open the door. I have NO idea what it could be since we have no contacts there or any ties to that country. I know that I am not in a place to go because of my job, but Jeff is much more flexible with his. If you open a door and provide financially, I am okay with him going. I trust you and will obey without question." Now, let me say this, I do not believe that He needed my approval. He did need my surrender, though. A peace like I have only felt a few times in my life, came over me right then and there. I got out of the tub and told Jeff what I had just prayed and did not think much more about it.

As we were going to bed that night, I had this burning desire to write a status update on FB about how I was feeling about Haiti. It was the first time I posted anything about it since it happened. I got in the bed and as I was falling asleep, I realized that my friend, Billie, had sent me a message on FB. I was comfortable, and decided that it could wait to read until the morning. Jeff left for work before me, as he always does each morning. I read it before leaving the house and when I talked to him on my way, I mentioned that she had sent a message saying that half-way through reading my update after I posted it, (did I mention that it was about 3 hours after my prayer in the tub), she thought of an e-mail she received from a friend of hers. Her friend runs an organization that was in need of able and willing individuals that could give 3-5 days of their time, to fly to Ft. Lauderdale, FL and then to Haiti to help some of the orphans in 2 orphanages get their visas done and then escort them home to the US for their waiting families. The catch was that they had to provide their own way there and take care of their needs once there. Well, I immediately thought, "man, if only we had extra money for a ticket, Jeff could go. He is off Monday and Tuesday and would only have to take a few days vacation." I mentioned it to him when talking, but only as a "man, I-wish-you-could-go sort of thing". Later that day he was texting me for Billie's phone number and 2 hours later telling me some amazing news...

He spoke to her and then decided to get more information. I kindly reminded him that we did not have the financial means to get him there and he ignored me! As I was hanging up, I suddenly remembered what I had prayed the night before. I then repented and began telling God that I trusted Him and if He was opening that door, then we were willing to walk through it and trust Him for the means to do the task at hand. Well, he called me at 4:30 Friday afternoon and informed me that he would be boarding a plane for FL and then onto to Haiti to escort these precious children home!!! Oh, and someone had paid for his ticket and was sending money down for him to have his needs met while there!!!!!!!!!!! Can I just tell you how my head went into orbit??!!

Less than 24 hours from totally surrendering to His will and way, He had thrust open a door and man was it a door! We later found out that not only was he going to be helping to care for these children there, but he will actually be delivering the children into the hands of their parents that have been waiting, praying and longing for them to come home. Those of you that followed our adoption, know that we faced some major set backs and challenges. There were times that it looked as though she would not come home. It was one spiritual battle after another. BUT ... GOD!!!!! Jeff knows somewhat how these parents are feeling and can relate. It seems that we have come full circle and now my husband has been so blessed to be chosen by the Lord to be a part of something so miraculous and wonderful and BIG. What an honor. What a privilege. What a great and mighty God we serve!

As I said goodbye to my husband this morning, I looked at him and began to say "you do know that the next time I see you" and before I could finish, he looked back at me and said, "I will be a different man. Take a good look at me because the next time you see me, I will be changed forever and much more determined to seek Him for His will for our lives." WOW! Who would have guessed that such a simple prayer of surrender to Him could bring such a pivotal thing in our lives.

Many have asked me how I am able to stay back with my children, go to work Monday and not be jealous. I can only respond with "God". I know this is His doing. I may not be able to be there on the ground, but Jeff is representing us. We are one. We became 'ONE' the day we said our vows almost 13 years ago. Today I fully understand what that means- not just in theory, but in reality. My time will come. I would love to be experiencing this with him. But while he is there doing what task he has been given, I will be here accomplishing mine. Learning to trust HIM fully. I will not know where my husband is at all hours of the next 4 days, like I normally do. I did not realize how much I took that for granted- how much security that brought me until today. It is probable that I will not talk to Jeff after Sunday morning until Wednesday. That hasn't happened in 14 years! Not only that, but you are aware of the conditions and risks in Haiti right now. They are flying by the seat of their pants, moving and doing at a moments notice. He is getting a crash course in flexibility and I am getting one in total trust.

I have determined that I WILL pass this one with nothing other than a A plus. I am resting in Him and when the anxious feeling of not being in control of the details of Jeff's days and nights in a chaotic foreign country with no way to reach him and maybe not even receive updates, hit me-- well, I will fall on my knees and T-R-U-S-T Him.

Every now and then, I am hit with this overwhelming knowledge that the God of this universe, chose Jeff to participate in this very special thing He is doing with the orphans waiting to join their forever families. WOW! But... then my heart is heavy for those that will be left behind and it breaks and I am more aware that there is still so much work to be done for not only the orphans of Haiti, but orphans everywhere. Awareness needs to be made, children need to be adopted, children need to be fed, have their thirst quenched with clean water, clothed, loved and brought to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I know that this is just the beginning and we have turned a pivotal point on the path that He has chosen my family to walk with Him. I cannot wait to see where it leads...